Vocab test

gross: (grōs), adj.

1. The feeling an individual feels when he moves to Manhattan at the tender age of 23, eager to explore his burgeoning same-sex sexuality, only to come down with a dual case of crabs and chlamydia two months later, both of which were likely provided by a strange middle-aged man on a subway who appeared to live with his mother in Queens, judging by the powder blue shag carpeting and china figurines in the living room. This feeling may be further complicated by feelings of doubt and embarassment six years later when said individual questions whether he ought not to include such a personal life detail merely as a means of setting up a blog entry.

2. The feeling an individual feels when his boyfriend M. discovers that their bathtub is not, in fact, fashionably gray, or irreparably dingy, but simply dirty, a fact M. discovered simply by spraying shower cleaner on the tub and scrubbing same with a sponge. This feeling is amplified when the individual and his boyfriend realize they have lived, unquestioningly, with their erroneous assumptions since they moved in 3.25 years ago. It is further complicated by feelings of guilt and shame for having allowed innocent outside acquaintances to use said shower as recently as last weekend.



All of which goes to show that being the perfect bride does not necessarily go hand-in-hand with being the perfect judge of character, or the perfect housewife, or the perfect friend.

Sorry, genitals. Sorry, M.. Sorry, mammy hush child and oprahinwaiting.

This entry brought to you by the good people at Tilex(TM), where having a clean tub is as easy as getting off your lazy ass and cleaning it.