I Feel Good

Nothing beats taking a mental health day and spending it by sitting in the park near your house, bronzing in the sun, getting two more sentences (literally) of the novelette written, and generally enjoying the pleasantly breezy 75 degree weather.

Nothing, that is, except for your hot yoga teacher pulling up on his bike fifty yards away and shirtless, where he proceeds to taunt you with his hot yoga moves, which you secretly watch from the crook of your elbow as you pretend to shield your eyes from the sun while you sleep, and which are perfectly choreographable to Samantha Fox's "Touch Me (I Want to Feel Your Body)," which just so happens to come onto your iPod right then.

Until his lame but equally hot and shirtless friend interrupts his Private Dancing, and they proceed to do some sort of crazy jujitsu/capoeira moves which you've never seen and which therefore make you feel nervous and insecure, at which point you spend five minutes trying to suck in your tummy so that the three of you look just like triplets - except they have cute jeans and hot bodies, while you have a funny bathing suit and, well, a body - but then you get tired and then you actually are asleep.

But not before you manage to snap some pictures with your cell phone like a giant pervert.








Tarnished dignity aside, I did manage to improve my tan line,

get my teeth cleaned by my new scary Eastern European dentist who wears grape-scented rubber gloves,






and improve my mental health tenfold.