Yin and Yang; or, Burn this Post (but save the puppy)

Things presently causing me great agita:

1. The resulting tension headache from having spent the last fifteen minutes on the phone trying to delicately negotiate our Flower Lady down from $750 to $500, a Flower Lady who is every bit as lovely and non-confrontational as myself but who also needs to make a living, all of which can make for an awkward bargaining-down of gardenias and delphinia and posey callas and green hypericum. We compromised just a little over halfway in between, after taxes. Moral of the story: always go in with a firm and clear budget in mind, because if you don't, you end up telling the Flower Lady, "Uhhhh....I dunno, hadn't really come up with a number," and then you end up having to make a deal in such a way that feels like you are playing tennis with one hand nailed to the court.

2. The fact that FedEx did not deliver our Tester Ring on Friday morning, despite my firmly resolved presence by the door buzzer from 8am to 2pm, thus relegating our Tester Ring to the dark confines of the FedEx holding pen all weekend, and relegating my Impatience and Need To Know to the dark confines of my mental holding pen.

3. The several-thousand dollar increase in catering costs which M. and I discovered last night whilst determining how many dishes we will have to wash or kidneys we will have to sell to pay for this motherflipper.

4. My perpetually unhealed tongue wound which resulted from my too-hasty post-crown still-Novacained enchilada lunch, and which causes me great ebbing-and-flowing waves of pain as it remains unable to settle on whether or not it wants to heal, much like I would imagine that man in the Greek myths who had his guts eaten by that big bird every day. You know that guy? I've also been biting my nails again and managed to cut my upper left gumline. And my new crown is achey.

5. The sudden disappearance of Goth DJ, who has not responded to my last two emails, nor to the voicemail I left him last night. Perhaps he's just having a bad month.


Things presently causing me great hope and/or inner peace:

1. The flowers are settled. Credit card number given. Verbal telephone handshake with the Flower Lady. And they're going to be really, really beautiful. And she refuses to use roses because they're not interesting enough. And when we got to my parents' house on Friday night, my mother presented us with an enormous box of store-bought shells and starfish and sea glass and other assorted oceanic minutiae which could easily veer into Tacky, but which somehow don't, plus she came up with a centerpiece idea which totally trumps the idea we had in mind (think: styrofoam cones, glue and sand), so now we get to knock off the flowers for the card table and the flowers for the plate table (don't ask) because we have supplemental decor. Plus we're not going to have a Port-a-Potty, which relieves us of the need for a Port-a-Potty bouquet. The nodding of heads and feigning of interest would be an appropriate audience response at this point in the post.

2. I think we're really going to love our Tester Ring, even though it comes from a slightly Less Distinguished Source. I'm going to assume that it's of the same quality as the one from the Other Source, and that we will be able to gloat and preen about yet another Wedding Planning Bargain. And FedEx is open until 9:30 tonight, which gives me great glee.

3. We tested more food from The Caterer, and damn me to Hell if it's not the best Wedding Food I've ever tasted. Seriously, it's good. She does sushi like nobody's business. Plus we talked to the Cake Lady, and figured out the finer points of cannoli cake, and it might be one of the cutest wedding cakes ever.

4. I came home on Thursday to find a message from the Herky Jerky Union Insurance Guy, sounding very conciliatory and making sure I'd received the letter telling me I could get my dental work, which I am (probably mistakenly) assuming came at the behest of the Executive Directrix I cc:'d on the letter. Either way, it feels good when The Mighty Fall.

5. I have no positive counterpoint about the Goth DJ, except that Hope Springs Eternal, and I'm going to assume he's just at a Goth Convention, or a Goth Spa. With our deposit. Instead, I'll focus on the fake puppy which my mother presented to us, which snores and looks like it's breathing, and does so for 3 full months on only two D batteries. We named her Sleepy, and I think she will be a bastion of plastic peace and calm in the coming 5 weeks.