Zen and the Art of Mental Health Maintenance; or, Caviar: the new Pistachio?

I had a minor breakthrough in therapy tonight, a breakthrough which would seem like more of a "Duh" to anyone who has ever come within fifty feet of me, but a breakthrough nonetheless.

Namely: I think too much.

As in, I can't stop thinking. Got no off-switch. And therefore tend to be thinking, and stressing, and worrying, rather than doing, or enjoying, or living.

So Therapist suggested that I try to practice Mindfulness as a way of staying present and thinking less.

So on my walk down 23rd Street on the way to the subway, I practiced. First, I concentrated on the word "white" and tried to just blank out and picture nothing but a white screen.

Then I found myself halfway through the list of ingredients for the Veal Meat Ball and Broccoli Rabe soup I thought I might try making again this weekend, only I'd double it this time so that I could store some in the freezer and reheat it through the week like I did with my baked ziti last weekend.

Then I caught myself.

So I tried just breathing in and out, and thinking "breathe in" as I breathed in and "breathe out" as I breathed out.

Then a guy walked by who seemed like he might be cute, but I couldn't tell because I was trying to just breathe in and out, but it seemed like he might have looked at me like he recognized me, but really to look back at him might be against my still-in-development Mindfulness Rules.

I breathed in, breathed out.

In, out. In, out. Past Home Depot, which made me wonder whether there was anything we needed to buy there, or even maybe whether we should have registered there, or if that was even possible.

And I totally forgot to tell my team at the hospital about a very important case, and now it was 8:30pm and I had more than likely ruined this particular family's day because I was too busy watching the Tyra Banks Show to remember to email my team about this case.

And I wondered if the ziti I'd stuck in the refrigerator earlier had defrosted by now.

Or if I would forget to charge my iPod again when I got home.

And whether, in the absence of a charged iPod tomorrow morning, I would read the Metro paper, or instead the David Leavitt book I'm re-reading because a) I love it and b) I want to find a meaningful passage that someone can read at the wedding.

Then I chastised myself for being an utter failure at mindfulness.

Then I thought maybe this would be a good thing to write about in my blog.

Then I wondered whether I'd remember to try to decrease my anxiety and be mindful tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that.

Anyways...no answer yet, but...drumroll...something to think about.



Also, I saw two men at separate times today carrying man-purses, which made me envious, and made me wonder whether this is a fad on its way in or on its way out, and also made me desperately want one for myself. Because I am decidedly anti-mandal, but I dig the murse. I covet the murse.


And **NEWS ALERT**, after careful consideration by M. - - whose sense of proper taste is sometimes preferable to and often more refined than and usually more appropriate than my mix-and-match (mindful?) approach to home decorating - - the KitchenAid Mixer in Pistachio has officially been changed to the KitchenAid Mixer in Caviar on the Bed Bath & Beyond registry. The chicken pot is still filed under Caramel, but only because she's my own personal pet project.