The heart is a lonely hunter

Act I, scene i. Valentine's Day, evening. Two handsome young men lay entwined on a bed, fully clothed, satisfied, smelling of pizza and cheap wine. An overpriced box of chocolates lies open between them.

Groomzilla: Feeling a stray spot of Jacques Torres chocolate buttercream ganache on his upper lip and immediately calling to mind several romantic films. Ooh, I have chocolate on my lip.

M.: (skeptical) No you don't.

GZ: (indignant) I do so. Kiss it off for me.

M: (scrutinizing) There's nothing there.

GZ: (determined) Yes there is, kiss it off.

M: (resolute) There's nothing there, though.

GZ: (whining) C'mon, it's romantic, kiss it off.

M: (blase) No.

GZ: (firmly) Do it!

M: (clearly) No!

GZ (pouting, pausing): And how come I didn't get any Valentine's Day candy?

M: (tauntingly) I'll get you some tomorrow when it's half-off.

GZ: (poignantly) You're mean.

M: (lovingly) Happy Valentine's Day.