Groomzilla of the Week Award: May 28, 2005

This being Memorial Day weekend and all, I thought it would be fitting to choose a Groomzilla of the Week who represented not only the very best that a psycho groom can offer, but the very best that a red-blooded red state 'Merican groom-of-the-People can offer.

To be fair, Rick Santorum has worked his little hiney hard enough to earn the Humanzilla of the Week Award, but this will have to do. According to last weekend's NY Times Sunday Magazine, Rick has put his groomzilla faith into action first by forcing his faceless wife to spend the majority of their marriage in a state of expectancy (read: knocked up), and then by locking her inside the house to homeschool them all. And now he's making us all his bitch by reminding us that gay marriage is, indeed, a threat not only to his marriage, but to legitimate, misogynist marriages everywhere. Use the force, Rick.