Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Breaking the Fast with a thank you and two questions

Dear Man Across the Subway Tracks,

Thank you for checking to see if the man laying next to the pillar on the Uptown C platform was dead this morning. While I was happy you found him alive and kicking, I was sorry to see him doing so in a literal manner and I hope he didn't scare you. I will have to get my Dead Homeless Man radar checked out, as his complete lack of motion and ashen pallor -- in addition to the curiously large puddle of urine circling back to his head, thanks to the unfortunate laws of gravity which apparently dominate the uneven floor work of the MTA platform system -- led me to the mistaken conclusion that he must be deceased. As you quickly found out, this was not the case! I, for one, was surprised at the energy with which he was able to scold you for rousing him from his concrete slumber, and I hope his response doesn't prevent you from future inquiries, unlike the seventeen other people who hopscotched over his puddled head as they exited the subway car.

Signed,

Passive Yet Concerned Bystander


***********


In other news, I am also breaking my 40 day hiatus to pose a question:

Is it a sign of codependence, or merely mental instability, that while M. has been gone on his four day trip Back Home, I've found myself going to extraordinary lengths for Personal Safety -- including drying my hands for twenty extra seconds before wincingly unplugging the Christmas tree, rather than my usual haphazard yank; placing both feet in the tub before closing the window in the shower, rather than my typical three-toed balancing reach; and avoiding altogether the need to replace the burnt out overhead light bulb in the entryway, rather than avoiding it only for a day or three -- all in the name of avoiding the electrocution, subdural hematoma, or broken neck that would result in me laying dead on the floor for three days before M. came home to find my unfortunate remains?

Also:

If, hypothetically, it's Christmas night and you're a gay white man who goes to see a movie made by other gay white men based on a musical made by gay white men celebrating young black women, and then after the movie you get gaybashed by two young black women after you ask them to sit down so you can watch the movie credits, does that count as ironic, sad, or just decidedly unChristmasy?

2 Comments:

Blogger ridiculous said...

i don't have an answer to your first question, but you've set off my own distinct paranoia about the level of safety and aloneness in my apartment.

10:06 AM  
Blogger ridiculous said...

whenever it rains, it's the baby jesus crying because you don't blog anymore.

9:57 PM  

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