The price of beauty

Perhaps weary of listening to me drone on and on and on about my lack of golden skin tone for the wedding, M. went out on Sunday and bought us some moisturizer with "subtle self-tanners." Which we both proceeded to slop on, remarking on how nice it smelled. Now, two days and nine bucks later, I'm less concerned with the perhaps slightly more orange tone of my skin, and more concerned with the unpleasant odor emanating from my forearms. Hard to describe, except to say that it is the very same smell which pervaded my body following my first and only foray into spray tanning four years ago, when I found myself shedding large sheets of burnt umber-colored skin and leaving a trail of indescribable stink in my wake for a full five days. More or less of a just-stepped-out-of-the-swamp kind of scent.



All of which leaves me feeling torn between my desire to perpetuate the acceptably natural-looking glow I've developed since Sunday - - a glow which is a poor but adequate substitute for the actual sun tan I won't have due to the fact that I am constantly indoors either working or planning seating arrangements, and which will offset my khaki suit rather nicely, certainly moreso than would my previous Winter brine - - and my sense of being cheated by a company which, granted, makes a mean body wash, but which really ought to substitute "subtle" with "starts out pretty, ends up stanky."

Shame on you, Dove(TM).

And shame on me for needing you so badly, even though you hurt me.


addendum:
One of the doctors just told me I had a nice tan. Any and all complaints about NEW Dove® Energy Glow™ Daily Moisturizer with Subtle Self-Tanners, which gradually adds a beautiful summer glow to skin and is fast-absorbing and with a delightful fragrance, and also moisturizes and gradually enhances your natural skin color, should be disregarded as bitter, jealous and uninformed hearsay.